Listen to the words of the Great Beeotch she who of old is known as Arwen,
Inanna, Jaz, Kriselda, Lynna, Raven, Suzi, and Wolfrose, and by many other
names, some best left censored:

Whenever you have need of anything once in the month, and better it be when
it is not my moontime or any other time when I might be tired or already
irritable, then shall you gather and adore me, who am Queen of all Bitches.
There shall you gather, you who desire to learn the true Art of Bitchcraft,
yet have not honed it to razor sharp precision; to these I will teach the
esoterism of true bitchiness. And you shall be free from fluff; and as a
sign that you are truly free, you shall cite tradition, correct
misconception, bad grammar, spelling errors, and demand proper
capitalization, and punctuation. For I am educated and can read above third
grade level. Keep pure your highest ideal; strive ever towards it and if
anyone tries to stop you, smack them hard upside the head. For mine is the
determination to succeed and educate the ignorant.

I am the Queen Mother Bitch, Who can give the Gift of Joy unto the heart of
man or woman if you have not seriously ticked me off. On Earth, I give the
Knowledge that to communicate effectively and honestly is no crime; and
beyond death, I give peace from the fools who have annoyed you and freedom
from those fools and reunion with other great Bitches who have gone before
you. And actually, I do demand sacrifice, for behold; Putting up with these
twits wears on my nerves. I am the Bitch of All Living and My Ire is poured
out upon the Earth when I am grumpy.

Hear ye the Words of the Star Goddess: She under Whose Feet all stupid people 
are Dust, Whose Body encircleth the Universe especially when She is bloated.

I, Who am the Bitch Queen of the Earth and the Black Mood amongst the Stars,
and the Mystery of why idiots are not drowned in my Waters, and the Desire
of the heart of man to avoid Me when I get like this. I call unto thy soul,
all ye who would be Bitches: "Arise! And come unto Me!"

For I am the Soul of the Bitch, Who giveth Crap back to the Universe: from
Me all things proceed, and unto Me all things must return and if they don't
get here fast enough, I may hurt something. And before My Face, which is
bitchy and known to all gods and men, thine innermost Bitch Self shall be
enfolded in the Rapture of the Infinite Bitch.

Let My Worship be within the heart that tolerates no shit, for behold: all
acts of bitchiness and honesty are my rituals. And therefore let there be
bitching and strength, honesty and compassion, honor and humor, mirth and
reverence within you.

And thou who thinkest to seek for Me, know thy seeking and yearning shall
avail thee not, unless thou knowest the Mystery: that if thou are stupid who
seekest Me, then thou shalt never find Me.

For behold, I have been with thee from the beginning; and I am That which is
attained at the end of PMS.